Starting 11: A much-needed break during Pro Bowl hype week

“Ever since I signed for the Galaxy, people have questioned why I have come to America, but every move I’ve made in my career has been about football for me.

“It’s also about being an ambassador for the game here and, hopefully, it is going to encourage other players to come to the States and be part of this because soccer in America can become much bigger.

“That’s why I’m here. I want to be part of the growth of the game in the States.” — David Beckham, after signing a five-year contract worth an estimated $250 million to join the Los Angeles Galaxy in January of 2007.

This is either going to be the first in a long line of pieces of this nature, or it will have a shorter lifespan that David Beckham had in L.A. Let’s get on with our starting lineup …

The good …

1. Pitchers and catchers report next weekend. Coinciding with the opening of the Santa Monica recreational softball season will be real major leaguers reporting for active duty in various locations in Arizona and Florida. Two teams shift their spring training homes from the Grapefruit League to the ever-growing Cactus League … the Indians and Dodgers. Much more on this topic in this space in the weeks to come. This is exciting!

2. NFL Films went to the Super Bowl … and made a wicked-awesome short movie about the game. Watch it, and then watch it again. If you really like it, watch it again, and then check this out. FYI … you won’t regret it!

3. Mock drafts. ‘Tis the season to project where the latest crop of top football talent will land in the first round of the NFL Draft. Let the debate begin on who the Detroit Lions should take with the No. 1 overall pick. Good thing for Michael Crabtree (highlights in video form) that Matt Millen is no longer the team’s GM.

4. Chiefs finally hired a head coach. On the same day Cardinals O coordinator Todd Haley became the Chiefs’ new coach, Cardinals D coordinator Clancy Pendergast (great name, FWIW) was fired.

5. June 26, 2009. This year presents a very promising summer movie lineup, including the new Transformers movie. Should be an explosive event at the local movieplex. Sorry, just got done watching the trailer. It was cool.

The bad …

6. Went to a sports bar last night, and … people were really amped up for that Lakers-Celtics game. Just wanted to let people know that it’s just a regular-season game, and there’s almost nothing more meaningless in sports than the NBA’s regular season. Respect.

7. It’s raining here in L.A. And that’s a “breaking news” kind of event here.

8. NASCAR season starts this weekend. Wake up, America! Stock car racing’s finest finally — after a lengthy three-week offseason — hit the pavement and will use up excessive amounts of expensive fuel while driving around endlessly in circles for hours on end for the next 50 weeks. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

The ugly …

9. National Signing Day. There has to be no doubt that this is the dumbest day in sports. Some high school kid who happens to be really good at football (but of questionable intelligence) holds a press conference in his school’s cafeteria, sits at a table with a collection of hats representing colleges in front of him. Then, plays with each hat, says something regrettable and chooses a college, which is followed by cheers and then incessant analysis on the ESPN. The thing is, this theater of the absurd is great for TV in a sort of “this is so awful, but just can’t stop watching” way.

10. Becks. With each passing day it appears that Major League Soccer’s most valuable import will stay with AC Milan, where he’s excelling while on loan in the MLS’s offseason. This could be a rough season for the Los Angeles Galaxy, who could also lose Landon Donovan to German Bundesliga side Bayern Munich.

11. Football season is over. Sure, the Pro Bowl is this weekend, but really, a harsh reality has set in … no more happy go fun days.

Why “Starting 11,” you ask? Simple, there are 11 players in the starting lineup in two of Greatest Pro Bowls of all time, and other stuff’s favorite sports, football and football. That’s it, really.

Old man Burns’ dream team

“Okay, let’s go over the ground rules. You can’t leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.” — Umpire talking over ground rules to Homer Simpson and Chief Wiggum before a softball game in Homer at the Bat

Playing against Jose Canseco in a recreational softball game, then regaling stories of said encounter to whoever would listen, has me reminiscing about some great Canseco moments …

Canseco’s 40-40 season in 1988 (quick, name the other three players who have achieved that milestone in the years since. You can’t, can you?).

Canseco’s grand slam home run that hit the center-field camera during that classic Game 1 of the 1988 World Series.

The homer Canseco hit into the fifth deck of Toronto’s Skydome during the 1989 ALCS.

The fly ball that bounced off Canseco’s noggin and over the fence for a home run in 1993.

The time Canseco was the voice of reason on VH1’s The Surreal Life.

Then, there’s episode 8F13 of the Simpsons …

Homer at the Bat originally aired on Feb. 20, 1992 (when daddy Bush was the president and the Minnesota Twins were defending World Series champions), and is arguably the greatest of all Simpsons episodes.

In that classic Simpsons episode, Canseco was recruited by Smithers to play for Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in the championship softball game, but along with his fellow ringers was felled by a series of unfortunate, yet quite hilarious, events.

Sure, everybody knows which — at the time — current major-league players made an appearance in Homer at the Bat, but who were the ballplayers who were originally slated by C. Montgomery Burns (after scouring the American, National and Negro Leagues) to play for the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant?

Here is old man Burns’ dream team (complete with fun facts, tidbits and other happy anecdotes for your reading pleasure) …

Pitcher — 3-Finger Brown (career statistics): Played 100 years ago, died 60 years ago, but still has an official website.

Catcher — Gabby Street (career statistics): Once caught a baseball dropped from the top of the Washington Monument.

First base — Cap Anson (career statistics): Played in a record 27 consecutive seasons, all before the turn of the century (umm, and that would be the 19th Century).

Second base — Napoleon “Nap” Lajoie (career statistics): Mentioned in the poem Lineup for Yesterday by Ogden Nash …

L is for Lajoie
Whom Clevelanders love,
Napoleon himself,
With glue is his glove.

Good stuff! Let’s move on …

Shortstop — Honus Wagner (career statistics): “When I was a boy growing up in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing and as we sat there on the warmth of a summer afternoon we talked about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I told him I wanted to be a major-league baseball player, a genuine professional like Honus Wagner. My friend said that he’d like to be president of the United States. Neither of us got our wish.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

Third base — Pie Traynor (career statistics): With a professional baseball playing career that ended in 1937, Traynor was the most “modern” player on Burns’ dream team. Still, Traynor had passed away 20 years before Homer at the Bat originally aired.

Left field — Shoeless Joe (career statistics): Ray Liotta as “Shoeless” Joe Jackson in Field of Dreams and batting right handed makes me cringe every time I see it.

Center field — Harry Hooper (career statistics): Only player to be a part of four Red Sox World Series championships (1912, 1915, 1916, 1918).

Right field — Jim Creighton (sorry, no stats … only a wikipedia bio): Infamous player on Burns’ dream team that Smithers points out, “In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.” Creighton died suddenly at the age of 21 in 1962, seven years before the debut of the Cincinnati Red Stockings, baseball’s first openly all-professional team.

Jose Canseco, recreational softball player

“Before I die, I will hit 500 home runs. I don’t care what’s in my future — broken leg, broken ankle … more back surgery … I’ll play until I’m 45 if I have to.” -— Jose Canseco

The Head Hunters defeated the two-time defending Santa Monica Friday night men’s “C” league champion Bar Rats a bunch of runs to not so much in a showdown on Friday night.

The Head Hunters’ victory was powered by Jose Canseco. Let’s repeat that again for effect … the Head Hunters’ victory was powered by Jose Canseco.

Canseco made a much-ballyhooed Friday night softball debut, socking one long home run, lining for left for a single, and then popping out twice on long fly balls that were tracked down by the Bar Rats’ skilled outfielders.

Canseco’s line: 2-4, 1B, HR
My line: 2-3, 2 1B (including a hit when Canseco took the mound)

“I’m not letting Canseco walk me,” I said to whoever would listen after the game. “He was obviously trying to pitch around me.”

Actually, Canseco’s softball pitching — much like his ill-fated appearance on the mound at Fenway Park — left more to be desired. He walked a couple Bar Rats and some of his pitches were better suited for fast-pitch softball. He also showed why he never won a Gold Glove while playing in the big leagues, making an errant throw to first that resulted in an error.

Canseco’s 17-year major-league career ended after the 2001 season with 462 home runs, just 38 short of the 500-homer milestone many use as a barometer for induction into baseball’s Hall of Fame (Complete stats). In 2007, he received just six Hall of Fame votes and failed to meet the threshold necessary to stay on the ballot for another year.

Despite the novelty factor of Canseco’s appearance, the loss was particularly bitter for the Bar Rats, who failed to get a good inning going at the plate and made numerous fielding and baserunning errors.

“Tonight we let one guy get into our heads and we lost,” team manager “Grim” said. “Now this game is in the past. Starting next game let’s go out there and kick some (expletive).”

Below are some photos from Friday night’s game …

Canseco at the plate.

Canseco at the dish, ready to rake.

Me at the dish, ready to rake.

Canseco connects, blasting a home run over the head of the Bar Rats’ speedy, talented, devilishly handsome left-center fielder.

Me connecting, hitting a single.

Being the nice guy that he is, Canseco poses for a photo with the Bar Rats softball club.

Photos taken by the girl I’m sorta kinda seeing.